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托福备考 - 写作
6天搞定托福写作-Day 5
发布日期:2017-06-08 09:25:47     0赞    0

  托福写作中,大家不要忽略一类很重要的词汇:过渡词。没有过渡词,文章的观点表达会显得不是很清楚,没有条理。有些同学在写作中犯的错误就是写的在文章中一个过渡词也没有。但幸好这个错误不是很普遍,很多学生也意识到了过渡词的重要性。查看托福一周备考突击汇总>>>点击查看

  但写作中,很多学生还会犯一个错误,那就是仅仅在句子开头加上一个过渡词。通常这个过渡词非常简单,不是描述类词语。还有就是在每段前加上表示顺序的词语,如“first,” “second,” “finally,” etc…。这些词语放在段首,使文章看起来像是顺序的罗列,而不是一篇文章不可分割的一部分。

  我们下来看一个例子:

  THE QUESTION

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do.

  Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  THE ANSWER (sample introductory paragraph, with transition words underlined)

  With modern electronic entertainment always at out fingertips, there is no doubt that the modern world offers many chances for leisure. Because of this, there are some concerns that people in this day and age are too interested in personal enjoyment and are not productive enough. I disagree with this concern for two reasons. First, modern technology allows us to do things more quickly, which allows us to do our jobs more efficiently. Second, the modern way of life hasn’t changed the amount of time we spend working or having fun.

  开头作者就主题给出了非常有趣的陈述,介绍了有关主题的具体内容,阐释了自己的观点。但后两句与文章的衔接并不好。前一句并没有提到work and jobs,但过渡词后突然就提到了有关work and jobs的内容。

  对比一下后两句就会发现这两句有点自相矛盾,第一个过渡词first后阐述了因为科技,工作发生了变化,但second后的句子意思是在当代工作并没有发生什么变化。

  但可以对这段进行改进。这段的问题并不在于内容,而是过渡词。下面就是对上一段话的改进:

  With modern electronic entertainment always at out fingertips, there is no doubt that the modern world offers many chances for leisure. Because of this, there are some concerns that people in this day and age are too interested in personal enjoyment and are not productive enough. I disagree with this concern for two reasons. Where productivity is concerned, modern technology allows us to do things more quickly, which really allows us to be more productive, not less productive, at our jobs. Additionally, when it comes to leisure, the modern way of life may make us more productive, but it hasn’t actually changed the amount of time we spend working or having fun.(过渡词用粗体标出)

  修改过后的这段话是不是比原来的更流畅,更有逻辑性了呢?

  大家每次写完作文之后,也要看一下是否可以再修改润色一下。

 
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